08
Mar 13

My Rules for Air Travel

1. Pack the night before the trip. Not before.  There is a separate list of rules for packing.

2. Book a window seat for early morning flights so you can sleep against the window. Otherwise, pick an aisle seat – the freedom to roam is important.

3. Anything other than a window or aisle seat is crap and should be sold at half price. Therefore, the poor guy stuck in the “middle seat” gets to use the #$@^% armrests.

4. Always carry on (don’t check) your luggage. Always.

5. Have a toothbrush, individually wrapped face wipes, a book and downloaded movies at hand. A real pro also has good cookies for the flight and a fresh shirt for arriving decently.

6. Inflatable neck pillows, fanny packs, passport carriers, hidden travel wallets, safari vests, camel-packs, matching t-shirts? No. Don’t be that guy.

7. When someone is sleeping, reading, writing or wearing headphones on a plane – it means “please don’t talk to me”.

8. The guy in front of you can feel it every time you put that tray table up, tap the touch screen on the cool in-flight TV or rest your head on the tray table to sleep – do the right thing.

9. The armrest and seat cushions are very important borders. Stay inside your space while seated.

10. Just because you’re not in a rush to get out of your seat, into the aisle and off the plane once its landed, doesn’t mean the people behind you aren’t. Get out of the way.


14
Nov 12

Things I saw in my kids’ school cafeteria today

A lunch lady in a faux fur vest and purple apron.
School-issued lunches consisting of a thin slice of unnaturally colored mystery meat on a hot dog bun.
Offensively indiscriminate use of ketchup and mayo packets.
A child with an entire salt shaker in her lunchbox.
So much open-mouthed chewing.
Fruit cocktail from a can.


25
Oct 12

Branson, Missouri

A friend and I drove nearly 20 hours to get to Branson, Missouri today. We just arrived about an hour ago. It’s 12:35 AM. We’re hungry, so we came to the only place still serving food – The Andy Williams Moon River Grill. I am immediately inspired to make a list of the strangeness in Branson:

1. So many giant photos and billboards of elderly celebrities wearing sequins
2. The Andy Williams Moon River Grill
3. Yakov Smirnov
4. Whoa everyone is old here
5. They call Branson “MoVegas”
6. A Dolly Parton tribute show (isn’t she still alive?)
7. TV commercials selling tickets for “Lunch with Greg Brady”


17
Sep 12

Some myths and lies

You look good in that bow-tie.

No one got hurt. That’s all that matters.

As long as you’re happy. That’s all that matters.

It’s the little things that matter.

There’s no such thing as a stupid question.

Diet ______ is just as good as regular.

I’m committed to ________, I just don’t have time to spend on it.

You don’t need to put salt on that.

You can’t change how you feel.